What do you want to change or improve?
Expressing feelings. I’d like to express my feelings more easily and often.
What is the present state, what’s happening?
I stuck. My breath changes to stopping. I get tense. I can’t say what I feel.
Is it only negative feelings or positive ones too?
Both. I feel shy about telling good stuff too. I definitely have trouble if someone is making me feel bad.
Has it always been like this? Is there times you can express your feelings better?
Hmmm…. If I’m having a really good time, laughing, dancing, etc… then I can just say playfully of what I don’t like…
Well… Just a week or so after I wrote the questions up, I had a few instances, I was so mad at some people, I thought it was not smart what they’ve did and found it unfair… AND I COULDN’T confront it. I just left. Thinking I’ll never talk to them again. Then I paused… Used my app, Youper, and it kept asking me questions similar to the ones I was asking myself… And this is what I’ve found. The pattern and triggers of my confronting others, and expressing feelings and emotions. Ready?
Let’s say I order margarita pizza and it comes with onions, then I’d ask the waiter to change it to what I asked for.
Same thing happens with a friend, let’s say one instance that happened, we supposed to play pingpong at 3pm, I asked and confirmed. And then 3pm I’m there, but my friend is playing with someone else. I wait 10 mins and then I leave, decide will never play with him again. I couldn’t say “hey, can we play now as planned?” I was just so so mad. Angry. We’ll talk about this anger in a bit. I wanted to cry, and I let some tears fall too.
So what I figured is, whenever I wanted to confront or tell my feelings in my family, I wouldn’t be listened or valued of my opinions or definitely not feelings. My brother would literally yell me or hit me with somehow if I confronted him. So, now fast forward years later, I can’t share my good feelings about someone, because OMG, it’s so much vulnerability, is s/he gonna take it or ignore it or reject it? Isn’t it safe to say how much I appreciate them and the time I’m spending with them? Well, yep, that’s my safety zone.
And when it’s a negative feeling, confronting it, body tense, breath short, terrified, because a hit is coming…. or a yell… I’m in the fight or flight mode on. And I become angry. Because I’m not confronting the behavior of my dear friend, my anger goes to the person. I blame her/him for being unfair, rude, bla bla personal blaming. And then I leave. I stop talking.
So here’s I have some sensory experiences stored in my mind about confronting and expressing feelings and probably thoughts, I keep repeating this pattern. I choose to write or text because it’s safe, I mean literally, no one can hurt me.
First, I’d do NLP erasing those negative feelings from my childhood memories. Not all memories, but just making them a positive one. Then ask myself, what resources do I need, to confront someone with things I disagree with? And then fill myself with that resource. Then future pace…
I mean, what does confronting mean?
What happens when you disagree with someone?
Okay, I’ll work on it more later… Keep on tune 🙂
Becoming Better At Expressing Feelings