Q: Zero love life.. it’s all depressing because I’m like – I’m single at 35, no boyfriend, no husband, no children, no prospects of meetings anyone. I feel soooo unattractive right now like I feel I look old and my skin is so bad for months and I don’t really go out. The only person who’s around me is that guy who’s still with his girlfriend, she’s not even good looking and she’s mean. I need to get out of that mindset totally still.
I decided to write to you here, since it may help others and this new website of mine 🙂
Well.. You’re not the first one who feels this way; stressed, ugly, sad. Actually, you’ll never be able to tell who’s feeling that way because we tend to show our happy face to social media, the outside world, and even close friends. It’s not okay to be sad or depressed socially. You’re honest though. You didn’t even share any photo for the last couple of years on Instagram or Facebook.
Before we go to solution steps:
- I have great news!! It is that you want to change your mindset about all these stuff happening to you or you’re doing or feeling, we’re on the right track. That’s what we need initially, you wanting to change things. Love you!
- Note that change will feel uncomfortable. For example, women in abused relationships are sad, etc and want change, but because they are in a comfort zone of the convenience or habits zone, they do not change it. Instinctively it feels right to keep things same, stable, routine. We’ll come back to it later again.
- I want you to try this recipe for at least 30 days. Start in the next 7 days, choose a day, it’s a very special day, a new era starts for you. Get some excitement, feel in your tummy or heart!
- Remember I said change is hard, because you’ll want to stay the same, that’s why, when you start implementing these steps, you can not NOT DO them. It’s a commitment. It’s a promise to me. It’s a must. Are you ready for change?
- I’m asking again. Are you ready to change your life and yourself? Are you ready to feel better? Think about it.
- Think more. Take your time. If you want to stay the same, you can. If you want this change, I’ll call it a journey, then be ready to fully commit.
- It won’t take much time, but it’ll take your mental power. Remember changing habits are a tough job, and we’re going to be changing both mental and physical habits.
- We live so much in our monkey minds that we never take a step back or out. These steps will make you take note on your habits and be aware of them. Awareness won’t become a new part of you quickly, but we’ll try it.
- During this journey, when you find yourself doing things you supposed to not do, it’s okay. You’re your best friend and only enemy as well, so be nice to yourself. Also, watch out!
You are who you think you are and living a life you think you deserve.
someone I’m sure.
Things You Will Need:
- Journal: go to a book store, get a nice journal for yourself. Of course, if you already have one you can use it too. Simply you HAVE TO like the notebook. You have to like the cover of it, pages – I personally like the no lined, thick paper, not super white pages.
- A small notebook to carry everywhere.
Okay, so you’re here still reading 🙂 I love you and sending you huge hugs. Here’s my recipe:
1 – Keeping a journal:
For the next 30 days, every night before bed, write at least 2 pages.
- What shall you write? Why you should write?
First, why… Because you want to have a nice sleep without something stuck in your mind. When you write down your thoughts, feelings, observations, your mind is getting cleared and ready for a restful sleep.
Second, what shall you write? Anything. Your date, work, parents issues, cat, personal goals, dreams, nightmares.. when you write them down, you’re almost getting rid of them on to the paper, and they lose the effects on you.
(Third, can you also write the details of your high emotional states: how you feel and observe the world of yours? What your inner voice tells you… what your eyes see… how your body feels… This one, I wish I was doing more of, now looking back of my journals, and knowing what I know, would be so helpful.)
One thing though: Keep your language positive. Which we’ll talk in detail now. (Except the third one, third one is better without any block)
2 – Using Positive Language:
Don’t think about a pink car. Definitely, don’t think about a shiny pink car. And there your mind thought about a pink car, a shiny one?
Let’s do another one. Where are you now? Look around in the room you’re now and find the things with red color. And now tell me the ones with brown? You didn’t even see them although you were looking at the room, right?
So it turns out, our brain doesn’t understand do – don’ts, positives – negatives, it just focuses on the verbs or nouns you give it to them. Like the butterfly or red colored items or:
You say “I’m not ugly” or “I’m ugly”, both will mean “I’m ugly” to your brain. We can do 100’s of examples on that. If you say “I’m not beautiful”, the message to your brain is “I’m beautiful”.
And remember you are who you think you are. It’s a common statement we all know and hear about without really doing anything about it. You are who you think you are. Your thinking is what we are going to change.
- Always carry a small notebook with you.
- Make a list of the negative sentences you use a lot, and on the side of it add the alternative words you can use.
- Instead of ugly > not beautiful
- Instead of bad > not good
- Instead of stressed > okay – not good
- Instead of sad > not happy
- Instead of unlucky > not lucky
- Instead of nervous > excited?
- And then do not use the habit words anymore. I say habit words, cause it’s so normal for you to use negative words to yourself and others, but now you know the harm of it.
- When you find yourself saying or writing them, take notes on your notebook.
- Being aware of your words and thoughts are very valuable in this 30 days of change time.
- Being gentle and loving to yourself is also very important.
- For only 30 days.
So to summary be positive with your language. Your mind is so powerful to give you what you want, and we want to send a message up there only the things we really want. Love, beauty, kindness, money, friendship, happiness, etc….. whatever you want. (just cut the negatives)
And a side note here, as a society we learned, especially girls, to talk shit about themselves. How are you – okay, blah blah complains. I remember my childhood, girls would have a competition of who has a worse day, who has bigger complains and problems. Oh my hair, my bum, my nose, my bobs, always there is something to complain because this is what the peers want! Stay away from those people. Which is our next step:
3 – Cutting the negatives out of your life:
Once watched a video from Dan Sullivan, couldn’t find it again, he was talking about how our daily purpose is to be happy/fulfilled/peaceful. Imagine there is a scale and measuring your energy level. Positive energy vs negative energy. At the same time, there are 2 universal energy resources. Similarly positive and negative. From the light and from the darkness. Whichever in your scale weighs more, you’ll get more from a similar bucket from the universe.
Remember we said your brain will make it happen whatever you want, think, say, believe? So I’m not sure if the brain is the same thing with universe, but they work the same way.
Your goal in your daily life it to keep your scale heavy on the positive energy side, being happier, so you can be even happier. Cutting means:
- Anything that makes you feel down
- Anyone who makes/puts you down
- Any food makes you feel bad
- Any drink makes you feel sick
- Any activity that makes you feel down, like watching TV, talking to someone, eating outside, eating inside, cooking, not cooking, etc…
- CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE
- And don’t even talk about those bitches again.
- Because the more you talk, the more attention goes into it, and then, you’ll want more of it.
- So if you stopped smoking, or stopped eating sweets; don’t talk about how you stopped EATING or SMOKING because we want your focus to be away from them.
Yes, definitely easier to say, but I’m practicing it for more than a year now, it works like a charm. CUT THE NEGATIVES OUT OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIFE. It’s so worth it because of you worth it.
4 – Adding more positives to your life:
What makes you happy? There is a map only you know and you can track, that universe gave to you.. It will take you to your ultimate happiness and you gotta follow this path. What makes your soul happy? What makes you feel excited?
Think about the scale again, one side is negative one side is positive, we cut the negative ones as possible in the previous step, in this step we’re adding the new ones.
Make a list of:
- Who makes you feel good after you talk to? I don’t mean your ego feels good because he called you, yay! No. Your soul, deep within you feel good and lighter when you talk to that person. Or maybe a group of people. Or maybe it’s a kind of people. Surround yourself with them. If it’s a friend set up a call once or twice for the next 30 days.
- What food makes you feel so good? Cereal, oatmeal, fruits, chocolate, ice cream, homemade food, restaurant food, pizza, etc? Eat them. Here’s a big note, processed food, fast food may taste delicious but they are not good for your body, so just like the boy who calls you once a while and you feel good, it’s temporary goodness, and we’re all about sustainable happiness and love.
- What drinks make you feel good? Tea, coffee, water, juice… How about alcohol? Does it feel good to drink 2 glasses or 4 glasses? If it makes you feel down then or the next day, lower the amount of it. Coffee? So trendy and lots of placebo effects on the short term results of caffeine. Does it really make you feel good? Your stomach, your mind, you, deep in you, how do you feel about it? Drink things that make your scale in the happier and positive side weighs more.
- What activities do you enjoy doing? Painting, singing, playing musical instruments, reading books, cooking, baking, walking, biking, yoga, bathing, visiting museums, etc.. Do them more.
- What work do you actually like doing? Try to do it more. First of all, if you can’t change your job or work at all, then start liking this job. Be grateful, thankful, and do it with positive intentions and mind about it. Complaining and negativity will bring only more of it. If you can change it internally or externally do it then.
5 – Listening Affirmations:
Ahhh those little affirmation words. How effective they are. I love love them, and you will love them too! And wait till 30 days are over, and you won’t believe the results! 🙂
If you go to a therapist and talk about all your childhood issues for days and years and years, all you’re doing is opening the past and analyzing and yes most of us have wounds there. You can heal it by talking about it. But they always trigger and come back to your life and you’ll never even know them.
Hypnosis and affirmations are two great way of healing those childhoods, inner image issues. Self-issues. By talking you mostly don’t go anywhere. It’s a wound in deep yourself.
On Youtube, there are millions of hypnosis and affirmation videos. Listen to them when you get in the bed. For hypnosis, start listening to them, and then it’ll make you sleep, for the affirmations, just sleep.
Your subconscious mind never sleeps, it’ll feed on this positive video/audios while you’re sleeping. And in the morning, you’ll feel lighter, cause that little kid wounded inside you, is going to feel lighter and happier.
- What affirmation, hypnosis, guided meditations you suggest?
Listen to this playlist below, from a very good creator. It’s just all positive feeling, educational more than affirmations itself. But it’ll give you some ideas before you even start listening to affirmations or hypnosis.
For now, just go to Youtube and type one of these, or similar words:
- 528 Hz (you’ll see the results 🙂
- 528Hz Guided Sleep Meditation to Manifest Anything You Want in Life
- Guided Sleep meditation for love
- Hypnosis for love
- Hypnosis for self-love
- Manifest soulmate, attract your soulmate
- Rockstar affirmations (they are pretty good)
- Rising Higher Meditation (she’s also very very good)
So now, for the next 30 days of our change journey, choose whichever you like more. Listen every night. You can definitely listen during the day too. They are magical and work amazingly.
There is a success coach, Brian Tracy who also emphasis affirmations a lot. He says every morning, write on a piece of paper your personal affirmations. You can try that one too. I recently started doing it myself.
In Turkish we have a saying, “if you say 40 times, it happens”. I’m sure in your culture you have similar sayings. If you tell yourself or your kid or to a country the same thing over and over again, they will believe it.
So choose the words you want to believe in. Start with those:
- I am beautiful.
- I am worthy.
- I am loved.
- I love myself.
- I’m very attractive.
- Intelligent high-quality men love me.
- I’m kind and gentle.
- Money loves me.
- I am happy.
- I love life.
(Any rejections arise to those affirmations? Let me know..)
To summarize this section:
- Listen to affirmation and hypnosis audios every night at the bed.
- Write your personal affirmations on little cards.
- Read them every day after or before writing your journal.
- In the morning, either read your cards or write on a piece of paper again.
If you want to set up a call with me, then let me know. I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Or if there is any step you’re struggling with. I believe struggles and rejections are great ways to start communication with yourself. What stops you? The answer is very important, and unless we feed this reason with something else, it’s going to keep stopping you. So, enjoy this journey. I love you. I’m here with you.